Thursday 3 March 2016

Just Breathe

If I were to tell you that the air I breathe has changed, would you believe me?

Would you understand?

It happened once before, more than 20 years ago when my Dad died suddenly as the result of a motor vehicle wreck. I remember the moment like it was yesterday, a switch flipped somewhere in the universe and suddenly I was suffocating; drowning on dry land.

It happened again last week when my Father gave up his long, brave fight against cancer. I could feel the shift coming; the air worsening with each hour, and then each minute. Eventually, as his hand started to cool in mine, I knew the transformation was complete: the airs chemistry had changed dramatically.

There is no denying the change, you'll recognize the very moment when suddenly you cannot breathe as you did just seconds before. This strange new air is foreign to your body, your lungs don't quite know how to receive it and therefore your whole being is troubled by its strange presence there. Sure, your body remembers how to breathe in a physical sense, but the air simply doesn't seem capable of doing for your soul what it needs to do. This new air hurts upon its entry to your lungs, it stings and shreds every fibre of your heart and soul; it is heavy and toxic.

Moving, thinking, feeling, sleeping...all your processes become inhibited by an air that envelopes you like a fog, making the most natural of tasks seem daunting and impossible. It takes time to learn how to breathe again... for your body and soul to learn how to function with this new air.

Time.


14 comments:

  1. The loss of anyone you love is particularly awful. Many condolences.

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  2. I understand. Loss of loved ones is hard. Really hard. It doesn't matter if it is sudden or expected. It hurts. It is true time is a healer. Eventually you will be able to recall memories with a smile instead off tears. Until then surround yourself with loved ones and allow yourself to grieve. Thinking of you and your family.

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  3. So sorry for your loss. You words were amazing. You so beautifully explained what I feel when I lose someone. Thank you so very much for sharing.

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  4. Oh Val! *hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss. Despite your pain, you explained things beautifully. Sending lots of love your way my friend!

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  5. it only hurts so much because you loved so much. That in itself is a huge tribute. I too, still remember each day of all my losses. My heart is with you. Know there is no more pain.

    glen

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  6. I am sorry for you loss, Val. I cannot use words as well as you do to convey emotions and feelings, but i am thinking about you.

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  7. How eloquently stated --- and I totally understand. Please be gentle with yourself as you learn to breathe again in this new atmosphere.

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  8. Such an accurate description of the awful feeling of losing a loved one. My thoughts are with you as you endure this loss and continue to breathe....

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  9. Sorry to hear that, Val. I heard that you had gone to visit. Thinking of you [hugs]

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  10. So sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers...

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  11. My deepest sympathy to you and your family , it is never easy to loose a loved one , my Dad passed away three years ago and I miss him every day .

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  12. Warmest hugs coming your way. I totally understand.

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  13. As someone else said, eloquent, just absolutely eloquent. I am always amazed at your choice of words to describe an event. When parents leave us behind, a part of our childhood leaves too. As you said, just breathe, it does get easier with time.

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  14. Oh Val. I've been thinking of you since last week's Sew In. Sending positive vibes your way...

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